How to Improve Communication Skills – Influence Anyone!

How To Improve Communication Skills

Effective communication… Do you have it? Most people don’t care about their communication skills and they never spend time to improve it.

But, I’ll tell you one thing… To succeed at life you must have great communication skills!

Whether you want to be a business leader, or just simply have better relationships with your friends and family, you MUST learn how to improve communication skills.

You must be able to express yourself how you feel, what you desire without any issues or problems. If you fail to make people understand your emotions and desires, you might be missing out on many opportunities in life.

I’ve worked as a door to door salesman before and it was only then, that I realized how important it is to have strong communication skills.

If you lack in this area, you can’t convince people, you can’t hold a strong conversation, and you appear weak and anxious.

You simply make it harder for people to like you. You must be fantastic at something else if you want to be likable without good communication skills.

And even then, this is just too important to let go.


How to Improve Communication Skills

Like most things in life, improving your communication skills will take time and dedication, especially if you’re really bad at expressing yourself.

But, like I’ve said before, this is really important if you want to succeed in life.

You will appear more confident, attract people towards you and make them like you, get more opportunities and simply get your way more often than not.

Some people don’t even realize the power they have. You can literally influence other people in any way you want and get whatever you want, but you have to know how to do it.

Now, I’m not saying that you should use this for your evil plans to take over the world, but you can use communication skills to make someone buy a tripple cheeze pizza with extra cheese for you, because you want it!

Ain’t that cool? You will never need to buy food with your own money, because you can convince others to do it out of their pocket!

Okay, I’m just kidding. DON’T use your friends or even strangers like that. I’m just saying that you can get what you want almost all the time.

But you get the idea… Better communication skills = more power

So, here’s what you can do to improve those powerful skills!

1. Did You Even Listen To Me?

Did anyone ever ask you this question? If they did… Then you’re a terrible listener!

If you really want to become better at communication, you simply must listen to what other people have to say to you. Just chill out and listen. Is that so hard to do?

It’s a really important part of a conversation. If you can’t listen, you won’t have good communication skills.

You see, when you’re talking with someone, the other person wants to feel important, he want’s to be heard. So, if you are not listening, the other person will definitely notice.

You need to establish trust. Whenver you speak with someoene, make that person the biggest priority in your life. Don’t worry, you don’t have to keep it like that forever! Just until you finish talking…

Check out these tips that will help you improve your listenting skills.

2. Look Into My Eyes!

Why are you not looking at my eyes when I’m speaking to you? Why the hell are you looking at the floor? Did you drop something on the ground?

You must maintain eye contact with the person you’re speaking with. If you’re looking at the floor or just anywhere else, the person might think you’re not interested in the conversation.

This might be even seen as disrespect to some people.

I know, I know… “But it’s so hard to look into someone’s eyes! I’m scared!”. Well, what are you sacred of? It’s not like we’re living in an X-Men universe and everyone is shooting lasers out of their eyes.

You must beat your fears if you want to proggress in life, so start having that eye contact! Let’s practice right now. Look into my eyes for a few minutes without looking away! Oh wait… You can’t, because I’m on the other side of the world.

Well, here’s a great video that can help you out:

3. KISS Everyone!

Now, you might think, “What the hell, dude? I ain’t gonna kiss everyone!”.

Yes, yes… I know you won’t do that. But you see… I didn’t say kiss everyone… I said KISS everyone. Which is short for Keep It Short & Simple

When I was working as a sales man, every team leader would say this – keep it short & simple. People like when you take less than an hour to explain how delicious your tipple cheese pizza was.

When I knocked on doors, all kinds of people came through those “gates of hell”. A lot of them didn’t have much time, they were having dinner, talking on the phone or they were simply angry to see me.

So, I had to explain what’s going on really quickly and in a simple way. I just had to quickly get the point accross, without saying anything too complicated, so I wouldn’t take much of their time away.

the KISS principle is really important if you want great communication skills.

Always get to the point, don’t talk about unneccesary stuff and don’t get too complicated (unless there’s no way to make it simple).

Now, does the expression “KISS everyone” still sound weird?

4. Observe and Understand Body Language

Body language? What does that even mean? Do our bodies speak or something?

In a way, YES! By observing other people’s body language, you can basically get in their head. While reading minds is impossible, it’s definitely possible to predict what others are thinking and how they feel. And with great accuracy as well!

It’s not easy, because there’s just so many small details to observe. For example, when someone is talking to you and his feet is pointed away from you, that means he wants to leave.

Or, if a person is rapidly tapping fingers, this might mean he’s bored or frustrated. These are just 2 examples. You could write a whole book if you were to write about all the nonverbal signals (there’s many books about that already).

Why is this important? Because, it’s a big part of communication. We don’t only communicate with our mouth, but our whole bodies are included in this activity!

You don’t even need to be an expert at this, just by observing other people you can understand how they feel and what they think.

This way you can influence people much easier. People will simply like you more, because they will feel like you completely understand them!

Plus, once you understand nonverbal signals, you can manipulate your own body language to appear as more confident even if you don’t feel very confident.

Body language

5. Slow, Loud and Clear!

Don’t you just hate when someone talks really quickly? Gosh, they’re just mumbling.

Try not to be that person, Okay? If you want to be great at communication, you must speak slow, loud and clear.

Your listener must understand what you’re saying. All great speakers talk slowly and loud, so you would hear every single word and have time to process the information presented to you.

I often meet people who talk really silently and too quickly. I simply get tired of asking questions like, “What?”, “Can you repeat that?, “Sorry, couldn’t hear ya, what?”.

After like 10th time of asking “what” I give up and pretend that I understand and hope it wasn’t a question. But seriously, isn’t that annoying?

If people often keep asking you to repeat what you’ve said, that means you gotta slow down and speak louder!

6. No Distractions!

We’re living in the age of technology and people can’t live without all of these innovations… Even when we communicate with each other!

Do you ever look at your phone when you’re speaking with someone? If you answered yes, you have some work to do!

Put away your phone, don’t look at TV or play video games while you communicate with people. Give full attention to the person in front of you.

I bet it doesn’t feel very good when someone’s talking to you and then you realize you didn’t hear a word, because you were absorbed by your phone.

You’re just like, “Sorry, what? My phone was more interesting than your words”. You might not say that, but that’s how it looks and feels.

How would you like it if someone was looking at their phone all the time while you were talking to them? I bet you would feel like they don’t give a crap on what you’re saying.

Put away your phone!

7. Do You Even Ask Questions?

Ask questions! A lot of questions if you want!

By asking questions, you appear as though you’re interested in the conversation. Don’t ask questions like, “Soooo, do you like bread?” out of desperation, to fill in the awkward silence.

Ask some questions that could potentially lead to a conversation. For example, if I meet someone new, I often ask if they read books, if they answer yes, I would go ahead and ask what they have been reading as of lately.

If they answer no… I would immediately turn away and leave! Nah, just kidding… I don’t judge people by that.

Related: 250 Conversation Starters

I could give you more examples, but the above link has more than enough for you to get the idea.

Plus, when the other person is speaking, make sure to ask questions to clarify certain things. Don’t stay quiet if you didn’t understand something. Don’t be afraid to clarify misunderstood points.

This really shows that you’re interested!

8. Avoid Filler Words

So, um, like, how do I… You know, do it?

Searching for words in your pockets? You simply vibrate low confidence if you’re using a lot of filler words.

Just relax and take it slow. Have you ever seen someone who does a public speech and uses tons of filler words? I have…

Let’s just say, I didn’t wanna live while he was speaking. I guess it’s one of those cringe moments. I simply felt embarrassed for that poor guy.

So, if you don’t want other people to cringe over you, avoid filler words at all costs!

Also, avoid them all the time, not only when you’re giving a speech or something. How can you, um, like get your point, you know, across if you, am… can’t speak without, like, you know, LAGGING all the time.

Avoid filter words

Get Out There and Practice!

We could be talking about how to improve communication skills all day long, but you won’t get better at it if you never get out there and actually apply any of these things.

Sure, it’s great to learn about the body language, but if you never get to observe people, you will never truly understand the language.

Sure, it’s great to hold eye contact with people in a video, but if you never do it in real life, you won’t become good at it.

There’s loads of articles, videos and books that you can read and watch about this, but the key to success is… Are you ready to hear it? It’s MASSIVE ACTION!

Apply all that you learn and you will become the greatest version of yourself.

 

How well do you understand the body language? What are your favorite conversation starters? Comment bellow!

22 thoughts on “How to Improve Communication Skills – Influence Anyone!”

  1. Linda says:

    This is s true.
    Today I went to a job interview and the guy asked me what opening communication I used to sell funeral pre-needs. It’s something very delicate to speak abut. I told him I combined life issues to open up the conversation. For sales, it didn’t give a good impression t him. But I got many leads!

    1. Donny says:

      Well, if it works, then it means it’s a good strategy!

  2. Danny says:

    Whoa this was very informational, I work in a field where this is a key skill set. Most jobs require communication skills, and most situations in life can be solved quicker with good communication skills. In my case better communication equates to more money in my pocket.

    please continue to give us tips on what we can do to be better communicators.

    1. Donny says:

      Exactly, better communication can definitely help you get more money in so many ways. You just gotta know how to do it!

  3. Kashia says:

    This is such a great post about communication skills and your humor is hilarious!

    I can’t agree enough with you about body language. Many times, people speak more with their body than their mouth, which sometimes ends up with someone prolonging a conversation when the other person just wants to leave.

    Just my two cents, but if anyone has never really paid attention to body language when talking to someone, I recommend practicing outside of a conversation first. All you have to do is sit at your local coffee shop or a place you visit often and people watch.

    Don’t do it like a stalker though. Just simply watch people who are chatting and focus on their movements. That can help when you’re in your own conversation and it’ll make it easier to spot someone’s body language. 🙂

    1. Donny says:

      Yes, that’s great advice! It’s a really good practice to observe other people and look at their body language. It takes time, but you can slowly learn just by observing!

  4. ValerieJoy says:

    I enjoyed reading your article on communication skills and how to improve them.

    Being a good communicator comes naturally to only a minority of the population. Many people just love to hear their self talk, and are not interested in listening to responses of those they are addressing.

    Being an introvert, I have experienced many people who are so overly confident they don’t wait to hear the end of a sentence I am speaking. They butt in and finish the conversation in a different way to where I was leading it to.

    I was pleased you also mention eye contact, or the lack thereof. There is nothing worse than a person who avoids eye contact when conversing. I was brought up not to trust people who cannot look someone in the eye when speaking.

    There is so much to be said about this subject. But, I’ll leave the rest to you.

    1. Donny says:

      Some people are indeed annoying when they try to finish every conversation. Not so much for listening skills, right? Communication is not all about talking. 

      Haha, I get why some people wouldn’t trust a person that avoids eye contact. It feels as though this person is lying or hiding something from you.

  5. fondevilla says:

    I totally agree with you that we must have good communication skills if we want to succeed in life. Surely phones are becoming a very big threat to interpersonal relationships. Am aware of this, though sometimes it just begins like peeping at that important message you were waiting for, then unconsciously, you slide into social media. Later, you realise you have been “stolen” away fromfrom the friend you’ve been conversing with. Ah! We are becoming too much digitalized!!!
    I usually find it hard to listen to someone especially if am annoyed at them. I find myself speaking and speaking. Louder and louder till both of us become indeed loud. Lol. Do you have any remedy for this problem? How do we keep listening in anger and other emotional extremes? Otherwise thanks for the great tips mentioned here. I have benefitted a lot. Now let me go and KISS to everyone.

    1. Donny says:

      Yes, phones are indeed doing a lot of harm to the way we communicate and handle relationships. I used to often get distracted by the phone. And I definitely am familiar with the situation where you check that important message and then you find yourself doing unproductive things.

      If you’re feeling emotions like anger during a conversation, try to focus on your breath and calm down. We often get angry and stressed over the smallest of things. While you’re focusing on your breath, ask yourself, “Is it worth it to slowly damage my mental health over this?”. 

      Surely, most of the time, it’s not worth it. We as humans must learn how to control our minds and emotions. We let everything get to us easily.

  6. Flavia says:

    I really appreciate the tips you gave out about communication.

    I used to struggle a lot over the years because of my lack of confidence which limited my ability to communicate effectively to others. I learned that taking the time to listen to others speak, eye contact, body language and taking slow deep breaths when talking has really helped me improve.

    I am still learning how to be a better communicator, reading this was a great reminder!

    1. Donny says:

      Lack of confidence can be a killer to communication! It really makes it difficult if you lack confidence so much, that the other person can notice it and you know it. You can feel even less confidence which leads to a total breakdown.

      Learning about the body language can be a great way to at least pretend to be confident. “Fake it till you make it”, applies here, because while you might be using your body language to appear confident (but in your mind you’re not), your mind will adapt to it as well. You will slowly start to feel confident just because you control your body language. 

      Focusing on your breath is great for many things, especially calming down and relaxing. Doing it in a middle of a conversation can relief some anxiety that you might have. Just don’t space out and forget what the other person is trying to tell you! Haha…

  7. Antonio Tourino says:

    Love the part about keeping it short and simple! Nothing worse than talking to someone who drags a 10-word sentence into a 50-word sentence! Especially if you’re trying to communicate something important!

    And you’re so right about filler words, the only thing worse than a drawn-out conversation is when half the words are ‘erm’!

    1. Donny says:

      Yeah, some people just talk too much, don’t they? Haha…

  8. Lupe says:

    Hi Donny!
    I thought there was going to be a quiz after the video, lol. Just kidding!
    Seriously this is great. Very good topic. I know lots of people who could use lessons.
    You nailed this. The video was a great idea. Lots of people have to see this. Great job.

    1. Donny says:

      Haha, thanks for the comment!

  9. patty says:

    I love this article! So much of what you have said rings true. I have listened to big heads of departments using the filler words! It makes me um like want to ask “Um do you like know how ignorant you um sound?”

    Seriously I wish that communication skills was a class taught from elementary on. I think we could all benefit from this.

    Thank you for the article.

    1. Donny says:

      Yes, communication skills should be taught way more than it is currently being taught. It determines one’s success in life, yet most people don’t even realize the importance of good communication skills.

  10. Goran Omar Bockman says:

    Thanks Donny. Great refresher on CS. I consider myself an accomplished listener, and a decent communicator, but I’m always happy to improve myself. I do have a problem though and that is maintaining eye contact.

    As a child, I would receive corporal punishment, from my stepfather, if I looked into his eyes. Perhaps they gave away my hatred for that abuser. Anyway, maintaining EC is a problem due to that. Any tips ?

    1. Donny says:

      Well, there are definitely ways you can fix this. Certain things in our childhood can cause problems in our present life. First of all, try watching the video that I linked to every day, because it’s great practice, especially if you’re absolutely can’t hold eye contact with a real person. It will be like a warm up.

      You can also check my other post: How To Let Go Of The Past

      The advice might help you out, because it seems like you’re unable to hold contact, because of past experiences with your stepfather. If you manage to let go of the past, you might find it easier to hold eye contact, and maybe you’ll completely fix this problem.

      Lastly, it’s a bit hard to do for most people, but I would recommend getting into lucid dreaming. It’s basically being aware that you’re dreaming. This gives you absolute control over your dream and you can do whatever you want. Why do this? Because lucid dreaming can be used as therapy for many things. Keep in mind that when you’re aware that you’re dreaming, you actually feel everything (taste, touch, emotions and so on). You could actually practice eye contact within your dream and you’ll feel more comfortable doing in in waking life as well.

  11. Don says:

    I agree with your article. I learned in the corporate world that to be a good communicator your first have to be a great listener. You should ask clarifying questions tot let the other person know you understand what they are talking about and that you a sincere in the conversation.

    You should be yourself and be confident in what you are saying. You have value in the conversation and the listener will respect that.

    All of this takes practice.

    Remember, the in spoken conversation is the killer of any communication cycle.

    1. Donny says:

      Indeed! Being interested in the conversation is important, because that makes you more trustworthy and respected.

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